a spectating nomad
Sometimes, I find myself identifying as this description. Similarly, the people I know usually described me as a ghost due to the fact that I was unintentionally very stealth with my presence. To add to that, I like observing as well. So more often than not, I would find myself staring and end up spaced out. The moment I do snap out of it, I turn red as my head books for the other direction.
I personally have a love-hate relationship with this way of describing myself. I tend to not meddle with other people's businesses out of respect. But when they do want me to intervene, I couldn't really do much of anything. I am also a person of few words, like that of the protagonists of Valve games. Every time someone tries to talk to me, I would not know what to say except stay quiet and listen. Eventually, I melt in the middle of the conversation and just watch them talk with another person that initiated during that encounter.
But at the same time, I DO want to get involved. I just don't know what to do, or what to say. Perhaps I do want to get in trouble in a way since the days I was were the most memorable days I still possess in my mind. But I keep holding myself back, and that's what I think the problem is. I simply sheltered in fear for too long and can't get out of it.
Eventually though, those whom I considered my friends would fade away at a rate I didn't anticipate. More often than not, they just become just mutual social media followers I have. Isn't that much worse than cutting ties entirely? I would see the countless ways they move on, yet I chose to stay the way I am.
In the end, I might really be a spectating nomad; one that drifts with the leaves and watch the things around it unfold. Yet, I still aspire to be a tree someday. For once.
Subscribe via RSS or just Leave a Message